Holidays can be a joyful time, but they can also bring challenges for co-parents. Navigating holidays after divorce can be tricky. Balancing traditions, schedules, and expectations between two homes isn’t easy. However, with some planning and open communication, you can make holidays special for your child while keeping things peaceful with your co-parent. Here are some tips to help you handle holidays as co-parents, ensuring your child enjoys the season without added stress.
Why Planning for Holidays Matters
For children, holidays are a time for fun, family, and tradition. They want to feel loved, happy, and secure, no matter which home they’re in. A thoughtful holiday plan can give your child stability and help them look forward to celebrating in both homes. It also reduces stress for both parents by setting clear expectations and creating a predictable schedule.
Tip #1: Create a Holiday Schedule Together
The first step in handling holidays as co-parents is to create a clear holiday schedule. The plan around how to celebrate holidays after divorce should outline where your child will spend each holiday, taking into account both parents’ traditions and family gatherings. Common holiday schedules include:
- Alternating Years: Your child spends a holiday, like Christmas or Thanksgiving, with one parent this year and with the other parent the next year.
- Split Holidays: Your child spends half of a holiday, like Christmas morning with one parent and the afternoon with the other.
- Fixed Holidays: Some families decide to keep certain holidays with one parent every year, like Thanksgiving with one parent and Easter with the other.
Example: Anna and Chris are co-parents to 7-year-old Zoe. They decided to alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas each year, but they agreed that Zoe would always spend her birthday with both parents if possible. This way, Zoe gets time with both families without the stress of back-and-forth travel on each holiday.
Tip #2: Communicate Holiday Plans Early
To avoid confusion or last-minute changes, talk to your co-parent about holiday plans well in advance. This conversation should include the dates, times, and specific activities or events that each parent has planned. Being proactive helps reduce misunderstandings and makes sure everyone is on the same page.
Consider sharing a calendar or using a co-parenting app to record holiday plans. This way, you both have a clear record of the schedule, and it’s easy to update if anything changes.
Example: Sarah and Mike discuss holiday plans for their daughter, Emma, at the beginning of each school year. They add each holiday to a shared calendar, including times and locations for pick-ups and drop-offs. By planning early, they avoid conflicts and both know what to expect. Better yet, be sure to codify as much as possible about how you will share your children through the holidays after divorce right in your Separation Agreement!
Tip #3: Be Flexible When Possible
Flexibility is key when co-parenting during the holidays. Life doesn’t always go as planned, and unexpected events like family gatherings or travel delays can come up. If your co-parent needs to adjust the schedule, try to stay open and find a solution that works for everyone.
Being flexible doesn’t mean sacrificing your own time; it simply means being understanding when plans need to shift. Remember, the goal is to create a joyful experience for your child, even if it means small adjustments.
Example: Tom and Lisa alternate Christmas each year, but when Lisa’s family planned a big reunion on a year that Tom was supposed to have their son, Jake, she asked if they could switch. Tom agreed, knowing they could adjust their time to keep everyone happy.
Tip #4: Respect Each Parent’s Traditions
Each parent may have their own family traditions, and respecting these can help make the holidays enjoyable for your child. Even if you don’t celebrate a holiday the same way, showing respect for your co-parent’s traditions helps create a positive experience for your child.
You might also consider sharing stories about each other’s holiday celebrations. This helps your child feel connected to both families and gives them a sense of belonging in each home.
Example: Ben and Maria celebrate Christmas differently. Ben’s family opens gifts on Christmas Eve, while Maria’s family does it on Christmas morning. They agreed that their daughter, Mia, would celebrate Christmas Eve with Ben and Christmas morning with Maria. Mia gets to experience both family traditions, making the holiday feel extra special. Since Mia has already opened so many gifts on Christmas Eve, sometimes Mia may be less excited to open gifts on Christmas morning. Ben and Maria agree that Maria gets to give Mia her first birthday present each year.
Tip #5: Focus on Your Child’s Happiness
Holidays are for children, so keeping your focus on their happiness and well-being is essential. Instead of worrying about having equal time, focus on creating joyful, meaningful memories with your child. Plan simple, fun activities that don’t require a lot of stress or pressure, like baking cookies, decorating the tree, or watching holiday movies together.
By making the most of your time, you show your child that holidays can be wonderful in both homes, no matter how the time is divided.
Example: Sam doesn’t have his daughter, Leah, on Christmas Day this year, but he plans a holiday celebration the weekend before. They decorate his home together, bake gingerbread cookies, and open a few gifts. This way, Leah gets to enjoy holiday traditions with both parents, even if it’s not on the exact holiday.
Tip #6: Consider Creating New Traditions
If holidays after divorce feel different now that you’re co-parenting, creating new traditions can help. This could be something small, like having a “holiday movie night” or starting a new gift-exchange tradition. These new traditions can make the holidays feel special and unique to you and your child.
Starting fresh traditions helps create a sense of excitement and helps your child adapt to changes more easily.
Example: Every New Year’s Eve, Kelly and her son, Max, make homemade pizzas and watch their favorite movie. It’s a simple but fun tradition that Max looks forward to each year, and it’s something they share, just the two of them.
Tip #7: Avoid Negative Talk About Your Co-Parent
Holidays can sometimes bring up emotions, especially if you miss spending certain times with your child. However, it’s important to keep any negative feelings about your co-parent to yourself. Your child should feel free to enjoy time with both parents without feeling guilty or torn.
Instead, encourage your child to have fun with your co-parent and let them know you’ll be excited to celebrate together when it’s your turn.
Example: When Anna drops off her daughter, Ellie, to spend Christmas with her co-parent, she gives Ellie a big hug and says, “Have a wonderful time with Dad! I can’t wait to hear all about it.” This positive attitude helps Ellie feel happy and excited to enjoy the holiday with both parents.
Final Thoughts
Handling holidays after divorce as co-parents can be challenging, but with some planning, respect, and flexibility, you can create a holiday season that your child will cherish. By creating a clear schedule, planning early, respecting each other’s traditions, and focusing on your child’s happiness, you can make the holidays a positive experience for everyone involved.
Remember, the goal is to make the holidays feel joyful and memorable for your child. With a little effort and a lot of love, you can give them the gift of happy holiday memories that last a lifetime.
