How to keep the treat in Halloween when it’s not your year with the kids
Halloween—a time of costumes, laughter, and sweet treats—is a cherished tradition for many families. But when you’re sharing parenting responsibilities with an ex, even if you have a 50 50 custody schedule, there may be years when you won’t be with your children for the entire holiday or perhaps only for a brief moment. This reality can stir a mix of emotions, from sadness to frustration. However, it doesn’t mean Halloween can’t be a joyous occasion for you. Here are some heartfelt ideas to help you embrace the spirit of Halloween, even when your time with the kids is limited.
1. Create a Special Celebration Before or After Halloween
Who says Halloween fun has to be confined to October 31st? Plan a special “Halloween Eve” or “Halloween After” celebration with your children. This could involve carving pumpkins, baking spooky treats, or hosting a mini costume party at home. By creating your own traditions, you’re ensuring that you and your kids still share in the magic of the season, regardless of the calendar date. If you and your ex really don’t get along you may have long ago accepted that you will miss some special days with your children. But, it may be even with your 50 50 custody schedule you don’t get to see your children on Halloween in any given year but that doesn’t mean the holiday has to be ruined. From your child’s point of view, an extra day of Halloween fun will probably be more than welcome.
2. Prepare a Halloween Care Package
If you won’t be with your children on Halloween, consider putting together a special care package for them. Fill it with their favorite candies, a handwritten note, and perhaps a small gift like a new book or a festive accessory for their costume. This thoughtful gesture lets them know you’re thinking of them and adds an extra layer of excitement to their holiday.
3. Stay Connected Through Technology
Leverage technology to bridge the distance. You may be used to having long stretches of time without seeing your children. Even with a 50 50 custody schedule, sometimes that’s the case. Just as you would do during normally, schedule a special video call to see your kids in their costumes and share in their excitement. You could read them a Halloween story, have a virtual pumpkin carving session, or even play an online game together. These interactions can make you feel closer and allow you to participate in their Halloween experience, even from afar.
4. Focus on Self-Care and Personal Enjoyment
Use this time to indulge in activities that bring you joy. Maybe there’s a horror movie marathon you’ve been wanting to dive into, or perhaps attending a local Halloween event with friends could lift your spirits. Engaging in self-care isn’t just a distraction—it’s a way to nourish your well-being so you can be the best parent possible when you’re reunited with your children.
5. Join Community Events or Volunteer
Halloween offers numerous community events that can be both fun and fulfilling. Attend local festivals, haunted houses, or costume parties. Alternatively, consider volunteering at a neighborhood event or organizing a trick-or-treat route for kids in your area. Immersing yourself in the community spirit can alleviate feelings of loneliness and remind you that you’re part of something larger.
6. Reflect on the Positive Aspects
It’s natural to feel a sense of loss when you can’t be with your children during special occasions. Allow yourself to acknowledge these feelings, but also take time to reflect on the positive aspects. Perhaps this arrangement allows your children to build a strong relationship with your ex, which can be beneficial for their overall well-being. Recognizing the bigger picture can help shift your perspective toward gratitude.
7. Plan Ahead for Your Next Time Together
Use this period to plan future activities with your kids. Involve them in the process by discussing ideas over the phone or through messages. Planning a post-Halloween adventure, like visiting a pumpkin patch or having a costume dress-up day, gives everyone something exciting to anticipate and reinforces your ongoing connection.
8. Connect with Others in Similar Situations
Reach out to friends or support groups of parents who are experiencing the same thing. Sharing stories, advice, and encouragement can be incredibly comforting. You might even organize a get-together with other parents in your situation, creating your own community of support and understanding. Be a source of positivity in the group and believe it or not it’s likely you will uplift your own spirits.
9. Express Your Feelings Creatively
Channel your emotions into a creative outlet. Write in a journal, compose a poem, or engage in arts and crafts. This can be a therapeutic way to process your feelings while also producing something beautiful or meaningful. You might even create something to share with your children later, showcasing how you thought of them during this time.
10. Celebrate the Spirit of Halloween in Your Own Way
Remember that Halloween is about embracing fun and letting your imagination run wild. Dress up in a costume that makes you happy, decorate your home, or hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. By participating in the festivities, you’re honoring the holiday’s spirit and allowing yourself to enjoy the present moment.
Closing Thoughts
Navigating holidays when co-parenting can indeed be challenging. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—it’s all part of the journey. What’s important is finding ways to create joy and meaning, both for yourself and your children, regardless of the circumstances.
By embracing new traditions, staying connected in creative ways, and focusing on self-care, you’re not only enriching your own life but also setting a positive example for your kids. They learn resilience and adaptability by watching how you handle these situations.
Remember, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. The love and support you provide over time are what truly matter. This Halloween, give yourself permission to find happiness and celebrate in ways that feel right to you.